30th July, 2013 (Day 19)
Well sorry for not being around last week but it wasn’t the best really. I did not train all week and ate pretty much anything I wanted with a small smattering of healthy goodness.
So I simply took some time to reflect on the “WHY?”……. Why am I pushing myself, why have I selected the goals I have, why have I told myself I HAVE to train twice a day, WHY no treat meals ???
Time to reassess………
Yes I want to ultimately get back to my happy weight of 60kg. It’s where I feel my best, my clothes fit and I can do chin ups. I feel pretty freaking awesome. BUT I do not have to get there in a sprint fashion. I want to change my lifestyle, my beliefs, my control of food, my connection with my emotions and the result of eating or not training….. This does not have to happen in the absolute shortest period of time and I do not have to be perfect every single day. I can take a couple of months if I have to and if it takes longer so what right ??
AND I’m not the fit little critter I use to be. I simply cannot go at the same level I have been since 2011 as I’m not a crazed 57kg little ball of energy. Simple as that. I’m 68 odd kg now and a chin up carrying that extra weight sucks big hairy goats balls !!!! So does walking to be honest. Think of carrying around a couple of bags of potatoes each day.
So it’s time to be real, to be kinder to myself, to be honest in my current abilities and say “I can’t do that right now”. I will in time (far out I’m determined !!!) but right now I am really really really tired. Exhausted tired. Not just feeling flat but more “holy crap I hope that light was green” tired. So baby steps. Not forced giant leaps which make me want to throw in the towel.
On the tired line of thought, I treated myself to a fun little gadget called a “Fitbit Flex” (Website). Highly recommend this bad boy to anyone wanting to challenge themselves a little when it comes to simply getting extra steps in the day. It’s an activity monitor that counts steps, distance, calories etc as well as sleep patterns. I’ve found it very interesting that in my 8hrs of bedtime that I’m at best accomplishing only about 4hrs of actual rested sleep. I seem to spend the rest of the night turning and tossing about. So maybe I need to focus on fixing this instead of cramming even more into my day and getting up early to train and working and training and fitting in the rest of the usual general daily duties and prepping extra meals and simply stressing and thinking of nothing else except my training and food. There needs to be limits, I’m truly exhausting myself and need to be kinder to the body and mind I have right now at this present moment.
So this week I’m trying to simply reset the habit of hitting the gym after work. AND it isn’t a gruelling “lift as much as you can” workout. It’s what ever I feel like. So Nike Training Club was a smash for me yesterday and I actually felt quite ill towards the end.
Tonight I think it might be NTC again as I simply love the workouts and I find because I’m jumping between exercises the time flies by.
August 12th I’m going with Michelle Bridges 12wbt, and by gosh I’m so determined to make it through 3 months of MB training and nutrition. Looking forward to her guidance and butt kicking talk. So for now, time to enjoy my training and food with out being crazy and set up new habits instead of beating myself up over old ones.