Killing with Kindness

killing with kindness

Tuesday 10th December, 2013 – Killing with Kindness……

 I was having a conversation with a friend on the weekend about tattoos and that when I get back to my goal weight of 63kg I want a Phoenix tattoo to commemorate my achievement (you know, rising from the ashes and all that), which opened up the whole “but you’re not fat” topic.

 Now before anyone starts down this path, I know the figure on the scale is insignificant (well at the size I am it is because I’m holding a lot more fat, when I am leaner yes, physical size and measurements matter more than scale weight)……..

 Now, I love my friends (I’m sure they are probably reading this hoping I’m not talking about them) I truly love them and know that they are looking out for my best interest and simply loving and supporting me.

 But look, I know I’m not fat to look at so to speak. Well beauty is in the eye of the beholder so I firmly believe that some people out there may differ in opinion on this. But in general and to a certain extent, yes I agree with my friend, I’m not fat. Truthfully, in my eyes I’m bigger than I’m use to being and people are use to seeing. But yes, I’m not standing out from the crowd here.

 BUT I AM OVERWEIGHT !!! My body fat % is well over 30%, well over !! OK it’s closer to 40% but I don’t like admitting it. My visceral fat is a level 5/5 on the old composition scales. That is the highest level !!!. My bio age is 50 !!! 15 years older than me !!! My poor poor organs are choking on fat. CHOKING…..

 It is unhealthy !!! Right now I am unhealthy !!!! and saying “but you look fine as you are” is sweet, but also enabling and endorsing being unhealthy !!! You want me to be unhealthy ?????  I do need to get the weight off (in a healthy way of course or I’ll do even more damage). I cannot stay like this. I am opening myself up to many issues like heart disease and diabetes. Two sides of that compliment coin hey ???

 So please, next time you want to lay some love on someone who wants to lose some weight but is not (in your eyes) fat, think outside the box a little, there may just be more to the story than simply looks. Maybe just be encouraging and say something positive in a sense of “go you”, “can’t wait to see your reach your goals”….. It’s a lot better than starting the whole annoying defensive conversation of “Oh no you misunderstood, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not fat but……….”

 And yes, some people really do just want to hear you say “you look fine as you are”, I get that. I’m just saying maybe give it some thought ?? Being overweight is more than looks. It kills people. Do you want to be an enabler of unhealthy habits ?? or do you want to be a part of something bigger and help someone move towards a lifestyle where they may just have a few more years added on to spend with their loved ones ??


It’s How You View It !!


Thursday 12th September, 2013 (Day 32)

Well I was going to post this yesterday but that post by Reembody was just too good not to repost as it’s exactly how I feel about fitsperation pictures right now. If you missed it go back to my post yesterday and take the time to read through. Especially if you’re struggling to reach that “ultimate visual goal”.

NOW speaking of goals, now that I’ve changed my focus to keeping it basic and just making it through 21 days of good habits (yay day 4 and feeling fine…. well except for the silly cold someone shared with me), it’s really made me realise how much negativity I’d injected into my goals.

For example my first month goal was to reach 66kg, under 30% body fat, run 4km and fit a size 12. WHY ?? because a) I feel uncomfortable in my clothes b) I feel unattractive) c) The tropical heat sucks at this size d) I need to buy a new wardrobe and don’t want to have to go up a size…… basically my picture today says it all….

All negative……..

Now getting back to basics my views have changed 360 degrees. I want (not need) that’s right, I want to train and eat healthy because a) I feel “cleaner” b) I feel happier c) My skin is clearer d) My eyes are brighter e) I laugh more f) I have more energy g) I have a brighter outlook on life in general and problems really aren’t that bad.

All positive 🙂

Sometimes just changing the perspective and focussing on the good changes over the poorly constructed “reasons” to reach a goal can make the world of difference.

Also I just want to add I’m pretty freaking happy with myself as I felt so lousy with this cold last night that there was truly no way I was going to be able to run hill sprints and breathe at the same time and instead of just throwing in the towel and telling myself “I need rest for my cold” I did a yoga session instead and although having my head down (why do they use downward dog so much ????) and feeling my cold pulse against my forehead was zero fun, it felt great to still do something when I previously would have accepted an excuse and done nothing. Love the small wins !!!.

Next Mood Swing in 3…..2……

mood swings

Monday 2nd September, 2013 (Day 22)

Moodiness is currently at an all time high as my expectations of loved ones seems to be at the level that I’m currently travelling at and I am being disappointed….. continually.

I fit a pretty good rate of tasks into my day from just before 5am through to when I get home at about 6.30pm and that’s when I cook dinner etc and if other people in the household are not pulling their weight it’s now making me extra crabby as I believe if I can do all that I do then they should too right ????

WRONG !!! It’s a constant battle to remind myself that I am CHOOSING to fit everything into my life and they have chosen not to do anything over what they want to do. I can always say no to requests (well, within reason) and I can always skip a workout or dinner, but I have set my goals and although the process to get there is seriously not fun, it’s what I’ve chosen to do.

Now I am very well aware that outside influences have created my mood (no hormones, lack of carbs or any other reason out there) but what I find interesting is that I’ve internalised my reaction to that influence and instead of dealing with it I just want to eat crap and watch TV. The pull of a caramel slice is plaguing my mind at the moment and I just keep reminding myself that I will feel even worse than I do now if I go and give into it. And of course I simply don’t want to do anything except go home, have a hot shower, drink a copious amount of wine, sleep and start fresh tomorrow.  The last thing I want to do is train but again, I keep telling myself that I will feel even worse if I don’t train and it may actually help put me in a better frame of mind if I hit some weights.

I believe you choose how you react to situations and how you cope. I may not be a ray of freaking happy sunshine at the moment but at least I’m not giving in. And anyone who wants to tell me that happiness is simply a state of mind can kiss my butt, shit happens and sometimes you will just feel pretty freaking unhappy about it all, but you CAN choose whether to polish of an entire box of chocolates with a ridiculous amount of wine and create a Fort on the couch or you an choose to still work at your goals.


Information Overload


Tuesday 13th August, 2013 (Day 2)

Ever noticed just how much information is out there for weight loss, fitness, healthy lifestyle even for the definition of “clean eating” ????

Here’s my thoughts – DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU !!! Just be smart about it. I was witness to an interesting debate about the old rice cracker or rice thin. That puffed round thing that breaks if you spread PB straight from the fridge onto it !!.

A lot of people weighed in on this discussion with most saying the it is indeed a healthy alternative to say, a bag of chips or a chocolate bar, and others were completely of the mind that it is the absolute worse idea for a snack ever.

Me – I say do what you want to suit your lifestyle and goals… if a snack of a rice cracker with a smear of PB or some turkey and sprouts on it stops you from having a high fat etc bag of chips then go nuts !!!

Every single person has their opinion about it all. How many calories to eat, how much training to do, when to train, when to eat, to supplement or not to supplement, fruit or no fruit, zero sugar, diet soft drinks.

Do what works for you. And when I say what works for you I don’t mean people saying “yup I’m cool eating 2000 calories a day as 1200/1500 is too low for me. 2000 works better for me” and you gain weight and the opposite is actually your goal….. I know you’re out there…. I’ll be clear, do what works for you that is conducive to your goal…

I work very well on 1200 cal of highly nutritious and tasty food. People say it’s too low all the time. I run like a well oiled machine and I lose the weight I want to lose, and if I’m hungry I’ll up it. It’s not for everyone but it’s what works for me.

So when you need information believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you read…. OR simply try it out if you don’t know, or hit the forums. People are more than willing to share their stories !!!!